if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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