there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
