its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
