Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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