I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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