For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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