I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
