Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
