I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
