You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize