you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
