Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
