forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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