Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
