i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
