she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
