Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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