I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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