jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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