So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
