so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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