in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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