Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
