im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
