I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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