Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
