yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
