She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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