Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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