I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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