Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I love you.
Bad choice
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
