This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
