i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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