Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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