dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize