One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
