that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
