i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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