We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
