Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
