Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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