He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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