I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
