she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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