no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
either way he was missing a nipple.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
