I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
