Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This house was built for laser tag.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
