So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
