there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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