you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
