Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
