woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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