Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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