nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize