is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
