so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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