Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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