Its about making memories worth repressing
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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