Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
