Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
