I only kidnapped one of them. chill
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
