I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
