just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
