Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you win again, gameday.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
