i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
