Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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