you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
