i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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