I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
