new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
