Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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