How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
