they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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