Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i think my cat just said my name.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
