I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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