So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
