Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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