i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my phone needs a breathalizer
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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