I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
