I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize