Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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