About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
