Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
