Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
