She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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