He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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