$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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