yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
