i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
