hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
