the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
